Wednesday, January 25, 2017

On My Heart

Ever have one of those whimsical days where it just feels like your life is in a fairy tale or something close to it? I feel like lately those days for me are few and far between.  If I get the chance to have a wonderful outing or friend date I cherish it for months to come.

I have a very hard time slowing down.  I also have difficulty keeping in touch with people.  These two things I struggle with are probably the biggest cause of my anxiety sometimes.  Let me explain: I feel productive when I get a lot accomplished. I am also a fairly efficient person so the amount I accomplish in a day is grandiose.  The other day, at work, I had a few [rare] moments to myself where I had all my paperwork done and checked in with all the students I needed to for that day.  It felt so wrong to me.  So wrong to sit in my office to have a few moments to heaven forbid look at a news website and get my head out of my school bubble for a second.  I felt guilty for not being busy in that exact moment.  The nature of my job created that scenario but honestly I thrive in the thrill of going all the time and not knowing what sort of situation will pop up in a days work.  I get so driven, so focused, so in it, that I literally forget there is a whole world around me sometimes.

I come home from work and the first thing I do is workout.  My body needs it and craves it.  Then I tackle my life planner and at home to do list I have constantly building. I prep for the next day so I can be successful. Work on some blog posts or things and then it's off to bed for me.  I fall right to sleep.  I am on the move from 5:45 AM to the time my head hits the pillow.  I struggle with slowing down.

One of my goals for this year is to create more time for friends.  I crave community and love having deep conversations with people over coffee.  Yet, I struggle.  I am so go go go and focused on getting the tasks at hand accomplished that I hardly ever look up and think about other people [besides the fact that it is literally my job to think about others] Juxtaposition at its greatest.  Because I work so hard caring for my students and making sure all in my building feel important, cared for, and know they matter I am drained at the end of the day.  I do things that keep me strong and healthy and fueled for the next day. Again, I forget there is a world around me.  

But am I really fueling my soul? Am I taking the time to have days where I look back and say I am so glad I talked to that person or went to that event?

Being an intentional friend and creating more time for the people that truly matter and I love are so on my heart today.  You see; a friend from high school passed away this week.  She lost a battle with cancer at the young age of 27.  She had still so much left.  Now, I am the one with time left.  How am I going to truly celebrate this life that we get to live on this earth?  Every time I reflect on things that matter - people come to mind.  People matter.

I need my people to know they truly matter to me.  I need to show it.  Live my life outside of my to do list because it all matters and we don't know what time we get here on this earth.

How are you going to celebrate life today?

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