Monday, April 10, 2017

It's Been Two Years

I love reflecting on life.  My favorite past time is taking pictures so I can look back through them and cherish the memories of those moments captured in time.  I have tons of scrapbooks taking up space in my hall closet full of smiles, adventures, and bad hair days haha.

We don't really take photos and craft a cute scrapbook about the tough stuff in life.  Those are the days where the camera is collecting dust on the shelf.  Tears are typically shed.  Prayers are uttered in quiet rooms for some relief.

It's been two years exactly [as of yesterday] that I had a pretty scary situation.  I haven't really shared my story or my thoughts on it besides conversations with close friends, but I felt like it was time to reflect on how that moment changed the course of my life.

On April fools day, two years ago, I woke up with the most intense pain ever.  I ran through all sorts of scary thoughts in my head wondering what the heck was wrong with me.  I called my mom in tears on the bathroom floor hoping for the pain to pass and it never did.  Then I started texting and calling all of my grad school friends - I needed a ride to the ER. asap. Something just wasn't right in my body. After a day in the ER, feeling terrified undergoing tests and ultrasounds but no one really saying anything to me.  I could just read on the doctors and technicians faces that whatever was going on was unusual.  I was so scared because I truly had no idea and neither did they.  I ended up getting discharged with an appointment to see an ob/ gyn the next day.

My doctor was very kind and walked me through everything.  She said I had a dermoid cyst on my uterus that was very large and she wanted to operate as soon as possible.  We scheduled the surgery - me wide eyed - wondering how something so big could just be hanging out inside me with out me knowing.  My parents made arrangements to come stay with me the next week and we got a friend to take care of my dog while I was recovering and then I just waited for the big day.

The day of surgery is a blur.  Anesthesia and pain meds will do that to you.  Apparently, I sent my sister some very flattering snap chat selfies that she took screenshots of.  I guarantee those will make an appearance at a very opportune moment for humiliation purposes.

I do remember my doctor coming in and checking on me. She explained that when they made the cut the doctors realized that I didn't have a dermoid cyst, I had a fibroid tumor that was way larger than originally anticipated.  They had to extend my incision to ensure they could take the whole thing out.  This was only supposed to be an out patient surgery but because of the unexpected fibroid inside of me I had to stay overnight.

The fibroid was benign, praise God, but it still made a huge impact on my life.  I am left with a reminder of the fear, anxiety, and unknown every single day since I have a 5 inch almost c-section like scar on my stomach.  My recovery was hard.  The week before I was in the ER I had just run a race with a bunch of friends.  Now, I was being told not to work out and take it easy.  I could barely walk to classes.  I had to take a month off of work as a server.

Moments like these aren't in the scrapbooks.  They are burned into our brain remembering every feeling, every thought, every moment.  I resolved to always be brave.  To take risks.  To live my life to the fullest. To do things that make my heart happy way more often.  I made a commitment to be even healthier and take care of my body.  The human body is an incredible thing and we only get one of them.  I am proud to say that I was able to recover and run my first half marathon by the end of that summer.  What an incredible emotional experience that was, knowing that months earlier I was in the hospital, but my body was able to run 13.1 miles in the mountains.

Sometimes I am struck by the fear of asking myself - what if it happens again?  Then I remember how blessed I have been in the past 2 years.  All of the things I have accomplished.  The relationships with people I love that have only gotten deeper and stronger as a result.  I am so thankful that God teaches me little lessons every day about how amazing this life truly is.  My tough moment isn't in a scrapbook, it doesn't have to be, I carry the scar with me, but I learn from it every single day.

What has been a pivotal moment in your history? 

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