Being YOUR Best Self

Recently my friend, a fabulous therapist in Boston, posted something on her instagram and asked the question "if it weren't for social media, would you still do it?" Man, that question stopped me in my tracks.  It has had me thinking every since. 

How many things have I wanted to buy or do because the idea came from someone who had it or done it and posted a beautiful picture of it on instagram?  How many experience have I had simply to take a picture of it and post it? How often have I gone out of my way to curate a beautiful picture?  How many moments have I actually missed because I was consumed with social media instead of being present in my life?

There are pros and cons to social media.  I love the fact that I can keep in touch with friends all over the place.  I love being exposed to places, people, and cultures from around the world.  I hate the fact that it removes us from authenticity.  I don't like the comparison and anxiety it brings from striving to keep up.  I despise that our humanity is removed and people feel like they can be cruel to others.

Think about it, how many times have you done something for the sake of or as a result of social media?

A personal goal of mine is to spend less time on my phone and more time experiencing life.  When I reflect on the times that have brought me the most joy; it's those where I did things purely for me.  I have the best time, am my happiest, and my best self when I stay true to myself. 

We are all made unique.  That is what makes us special.  I have different interests and talents than that girl that may look like she has it all on social media.  I don't need my life to be like hers, or anyone else's for that matter.  I was made me for a purpose.  While I may not always know what that purpose is, I definitely will not find it trying to live like someone else.

This year, let's focus on the things that truly matter. Do the things that bring you joy.  Even if no one else seems to be doing it.  Be brave.  Try something new. Live out your life and your purpose. For you.  Not for social media.  Eliminate distractions. Get back to the simple things.  Explore. Celebrate this adventure of life we get to live.

Red for EDucation

Location: Raleigh, NC

The other week I had the opportunity to do the most incredible thing I have ever done. I took a stand for something that I believe in.  Something that gets me fired up.  Something that is consistently undervalued and looked over. Public education.

My students are my driving force each and every single day.  They are the reason I go to work and get to do what I do.  They are the reason I come home drained and exhausted and sometimes so emotional because I believe in them so much.  My students are the reason that I fight for better opportunities, the reason that I vote, the reason that I march. 

I am constantly inspired by my students.  They have such resilience and creativity.  They show up every single day despite everything that they go through.  So I got to show up for them.  I did something for them to prove that they matter.  My students matter.  Public education matters.  My job matters.  And you know what paying my bills and making ends meet should matter too. It's time that North Carolina steps up and joins forces with this incredible momentum sweeping our nation.  Public educators demanding their worth.

I have never done anything like this before.  We traveled to the state capital and marched for respect and our students along side 20,000 other educators.  It was a powerful experience.  Our governor spoke as we rallied for change in the government and change in funding policies for NC education. Everyone there was united under the same purpose.  It was so inspiring to see.  I loved all of the creative signs that proved the harsh reality of teachers and asked for change.  Teachers really do know how to show up and prove their point.  I am so grateful for this humbling experience.

Have you ever had the opportunity to take a stand for something that you truly believed in? What was your experience like?

Easter Is Like Coming Home

Location: St. Peters Catholic Church - Charlotte, NC

I love Christmas don't get me wrong.  All the fun and festivities in the fall and winter will always have a special place in my heart.  Yet, this year I think Easter is finding a special place in my heart.  The weather is warming up, the sun shining, and those Carolina blue skies.

All lent I was reflecting on what I can do to point myself toward God.  I leaned into him and learned to trust a little bit more. Then we entered into holy week and spring break for me. I felt this stirring in my heart as I was at mass on Holy Thursday, I felt like I was home.  It was so fitting for this holy week because this is the time of year when others come into the church and find their home as well. Even though I have been confirmed since high school - I had this sense that I was finally entering into the church as well. Solidarity, sisters.

My whole faith story is a long long tale for a different day.  But long story short, I have been searching and trying to find my own way in the church, my own community, my home.  Not living in my youth group days or parents shadow at the parish I grew up in.

The church I found has been so much for me.  It is a center city Jesuit church which speaks to my service heart in so many ways.  I have joined a bible study and found community with the young adult group there.  It is so different in many ways from the church I grew up in.  And yet, as Catholic is universal, it is the same. Home.

To all those who found new life in the church this weekend, welcome and congratulations. Happy Easter. He is Risen indeed and His mercies are new every morning. 

Making the Most of Summertime

Outfit: Romper | Shoes [Similar]

I have to admit, typically I am a fall obsessed girl. Not this year, though.  I have probably been craving summer since probably February.  Now, that I can see my school year start date on the calendar so soon I don't want it to end!

This summer has been so necessary for me personally, it has also been a lot of fun.  There has been a lot of transition for me with moving to a new apartment, and learning a lot of little life lessons that Jesus and I have been working on. This summer I have also decided to set the to do list aside for what is really important.  I want my actions to reflect my words.  If I am going to be true to that it means calling my loved ones, setting up friend dates, exploring my new neighborhood, being outside in the sunshine, and truly celebrating this life.

Summer has been my opportunity to reflect on what is important and incorporate that in my life.  With a few more weeks of summer I am determined to make the most of it.  I also want to bring a little bit of my summertime self with me to my school year.  The to - do list will always be there but the experiences, the daylight late at night, the outdoor yoga, the flowers, those things end up fading with winter.  Not this year.

Summer you are slowly becoming my new favorite because of all the life changing lessons you have taught me. You have brought me closer to friends.  You have given me sun kissed skin and lighter hair.  You have given me lots of much needed rest.  You have warmed my heart and soul.  You have taught me to explore, to cherish life, and to slow down.

Cheers to celebrating summer and making the most of it.

How are you celebrating summertime? 

P.S.  If you love my romper as much as I do; check out Ivy & Leo.  You can use the code AMANDA10 for 10% off your purchases, they are also having a crazy summer sale right now - 30% off all summer items to make room for their fall line!

Moving Tips and Tricks

Tomorrow is another moving day for me!

Mom and I counted the other day.  I have moved 10 times in the past 9 years of my life.  We counted those 10 as the times I have fully and completely packed up all my things, loaded into a truck or van, and had to unpack in a completely different place.  No wonder my dog started to get super anxious any time I pack for even something as simple as going over to my parents house for the evening. I am really hoping we love this new place and stay put for a little while.  My plan is to stay put until we are ready to buy a house. I also know the saying "the way to make God laugh is to make plans" holds so much truth in my life.

With all of those moves under my belt; I have learned a few things along the way to help make transitions a little easier and run smoothly.

Don't take everything.  I know it sounds crazy but a move is a fresh start. Take some time to really go through your things, organize, and evaluate whether you have used something in a while.  If it doesn't serve a purpose any longer or it has been collecting dust under the bed the whole time you have been in this place - maybe it's time to find a new home.  I always have three piles going during packing; one for goodwill, one for trash, and one that will go with me to my new place.

Trash bags + Clothes = Besties. I learned this trick a while ago and it has saved me so much hassle.  Instead of taking all your clothes off hangers folding them, packing them up, then having to unpack once you get to your new place - cut a hole in the bottom of the trash bag [big black kitchen size with drawstrings] and drape them over the hangers then close the drawstring at the bottom of your clothes.  You can just take the hangers and hang them up in the new closet! Bonus the trash bags will protect your clothes from getting messed up during the move.

Start with things you don't use.  I go around my house and think of it like layers.  I will collect all the decor items or things that don't serve much interaction function first, put them in a central location pack them up.  Then I go to closet spaces.  What season are you moving in?  Summer? Great you don't need your winter stuff.  Pull out everything in storage spaces - organize it - then into boxes it goes! Keep peeling through the layers day by day until you are a few days before your move and you can slim down kitchen items, etc.  Think about it realistically - I mean I love my crockpot as much as anyone but I am not about to slow cook some brisket 2 days before I move - we have been eating whole foods hot bar for a few days instead. So keep one or two plates and utensils out, maybe one pan for cooking, and everything else can get packed up!

Pack an overnight bag or box. This is a life saver!! I used to want to get into a new place unpack everything and have it all decorated perfect the same day.  Then I realized I was projecting my incredible anxiety onto my loved ones who sacrificed their time and energy to help me.  Instead, I am going to pack a weekend bag for myself.  It will include things I use daily like face wash and toothbrush, a few changes of clothes, and of course my beloved coffee pot and coffee because duh.  So now once my furniture is set and the necessities for night one unpacked I will be able to go out and celebrate and treat my friends and family for helping! Plus, now I know it won't all be perfect overnight and I am excited to slowly go through my new place, decorate it, and make it feel truly like home, but that's for me to do.

Have a friend [or your parents] keep your dog day of. Finn hates to be confined. HATES it. As much as I love my pup, he doesn't need to be in the way or locked up while the door needs to stay wide open for moving boxes and furniture. He will spend the day at my parents house relaxing and will come over once we are settled in and he can sniff out the new place in peace. Don't stress your pups out and have them tear up your bathroom floors in the process [true story]

Don't forget to change your address. If you are like me. Amazon is your bestie. You want all your fun packages to get to you when you move. Change your address for the postal service but also all your information. Bank. License. Amazon. BarkBox. etc... You can mail out a cute e-card to friends and family too once you have moved letting them know where you are! Don't want those wedding invitations to get lost either!

Keep healthy snacks accessible.  Moving day is always a huge production.  For some reason I never eat day of. I am always so busy loading boxes and doing heavy lifting, plus everything else has been packed up. It's not healthy.  Moving is hard work for your body and you need fuel.  Keep a bunch of protein bars out on a counter so that anyone can grab them when they feel like they need to re-charge a bit.  Your body and friends will thank you.

What are some moving tips and tricks that have helped you stay sane during moving? 

It's Been Two Years

I love reflecting on life.  My favorite past time is taking pictures so I can look back through them and cherish the memories of those moments captured in time.  I have tons of scrapbooks taking up space in my hall closet full of smiles, adventures, and bad hair days haha.

We don't really take photos and craft a cute scrapbook about the tough stuff in life.  Those are the days where the camera is collecting dust on the shelf.  Tears are typically shed.  Prayers are uttered in quiet rooms for some relief.

It's been two years exactly [as of yesterday] that I had a pretty scary situation.  I haven't really shared my story or my thoughts on it besides conversations with close friends, but I felt like it was time to reflect on how that moment changed the course of my life.

On April fools day, two years ago, I woke up with the most intense pain ever.  I ran through all sorts of scary thoughts in my head wondering what the heck was wrong with me.  I called my mom in tears on the bathroom floor hoping for the pain to pass and it never did.  Then I started texting and calling all of my grad school friends - I needed a ride to the ER. asap. Something just wasn't right in my body. After a day in the ER, feeling terrified undergoing tests and ultrasounds but no one really saying anything to me.  I could just read on the doctors and technicians faces that whatever was going on was unusual.  I was so scared because I truly had no idea and neither did they.  I ended up getting discharged with an appointment to see an ob/ gyn the next day.

My doctor was very kind and walked me through everything.  She said I had a dermoid cyst on my uterus that was very large and she wanted to operate as soon as possible.  We scheduled the surgery - me wide eyed - wondering how something so big could just be hanging out inside me with out me knowing.  My parents made arrangements to come stay with me the next week and we got a friend to take care of my dog while I was recovering and then I just waited for the big day.

The day of surgery is a blur.  Anesthesia and pain meds will do that to you.  Apparently, I sent my sister some very flattering snap chat selfies that she took screenshots of.  I guarantee those will make an appearance at a very opportune moment for humiliation purposes.

I do remember my doctor coming in and checking on me. She explained that when they made the cut the doctors realized that I didn't have a dermoid cyst, I had a fibroid tumor that was way larger than originally anticipated.  They had to extend my incision to ensure they could take the whole thing out.  This was only supposed to be an out patient surgery but because of the unexpected fibroid inside of me I had to stay overnight.

The fibroid was benign, praise God, but it still made a huge impact on my life.  I am left with a reminder of the fear, anxiety, and unknown every single day since I have a 5 inch almost c-section like scar on my stomach.  My recovery was hard.  The week before I was in the ER I had just run a race with a bunch of friends.  Now, I was being told not to work out and take it easy.  I could barely walk to classes.  I had to take a month off of work as a server.

Moments like these aren't in the scrapbooks.  They are burned into our brain remembering every feeling, every thought, every moment.  I resolved to always be brave.  To take risks.  To live my life to the fullest. To do things that make my heart happy way more often.  I made a commitment to be even healthier and take care of my body.  The human body is an incredible thing and we only get one of them.  I am proud to say that I was able to recover and run my first half marathon by the end of that summer.  What an incredible emotional experience that was, knowing that months earlier I was in the hospital, but my body was able to run 13.1 miles in the mountains.

Sometimes I am struck by the fear of asking myself - what if it happens again?  Then I remember how blessed I have been in the past 2 years.  All of the things I have accomplished.  The relationships with people I love that have only gotten deeper and stronger as a result.  I am so thankful that God teaches me little lessons every day about how amazing this life truly is.  My tough moment isn't in a scrapbook, it doesn't have to be, I carry the scar with me, but I learn from it every single day.

What has been a pivotal moment in your history? 

Getting Real with Current Events

I typically don't get involved in politics.  I hate politics.  I think they are corrupt and the TV show Scandal is an accurate depiction of our government.  I sat here trying to process my thoughts.  I hovered over the publish button many times without actually clicking it, but I just can't be silent any more.

I work in a school.  My job is to listen to the stories that kiddos are willing to share.  I advocate for relationships every single day.  I try to be the best example of love and kindness to all in my school building.  I have mounds of paperwork that I push aside daily to respond to students in crisis, to go into classrooms, to be present, to show my face, to smile at that kid who really needs it. The vast majority of what I see and hear is confidential, not only to protect my students, keep their trust, but to hold their stories precious and valuable.  These stories are not mine to tell.

This, though, I will share.

Thursday, the majority of my school population was absent.  53%.  It was eerie and quiet. My heart is broken in so many pieces.  My students didn't come to school that day in protest but underneath it all they are scared.

They are scared that they will come home to a raided house and no parents.  They are scared their families will get ripped apart.  They are terrified to go to an unknown place that they have only heard stories of.  They are scared to go out in their communities and to talk to anyone out of fear of giving something away.  They are terrified to even come to school.

School. The safest place they know. Isn't even safe anymore. And worst of all I can't say anything to assure them of their safety.  I can't even protect my students.  I have nothing to say to make it better.  No words of encouragement.  No fun catch phrase about being kind or doing the right thing.

Only the acknowledgement that I was born with an incredible privilege.  I have no idea what it is like to have the fears that my students have.  I can only validate that it is indeed terrifying. I can't even imagine. I cried the other day in my office with two 5th grade boys also in tears expressing concerns they had.  I felt incredibly helpless.  These students look to me for help.  In these moments I can only tell them that there are some people who look like me who actually care about them and want them here.  These kiddos are so important.  My job is to ensure that every student knows they matter.

These students matter. This community matters.  Culture matters.  Immigrants matter.

I can, do something, I realized.  I can use the incredible privilege and position that I have to advocate for the populations that can't speak for themselves.  I can speak up.  I can use the gifts I have been given, specifically writing to make these issues known.  I can educate myself on politics and policy - even though it makes me cringe - because my students are important to me.

No one should have to question whether tomorrow they will have to be stripped from everything they know and thrown into more trauma.  No one deserves to live a life in fear.

I did not write this to get involved in politics or policy. I wrote this because being at a school on Thursday with an empty building felt wrong.  Listening to my kiddos bravely open up and share their very real concerns feels wrong.  I don't know what the answer is, but I do know this is real, this is now and my job is to advocate for the most underrepresented population who can't speak for themselves; children. Their innocence is shattered and that is not okay.

Peru Trip 2015 | Cuisine & Christmas Celebrations

The first three posts of the Peru Trip 2015 Series are here:

Tacna: Part One
Tacna: Part Two 
Arica, Chile 

The next segment of our trip was full of exploration and celebration.  The tradition for the JVC's living in the house has been to celebrate the roommates who are leaving with a big party and then to welcome the new friends to Tacna with another.  All of the host families are involved and welcomed as well.  We had a lovely mass for the two roommates whose time in Peru was ending.  Then around Christmas there was another celebration - their kind of last hoorah with the community but then us the families who were visiting got a special taste of Tacna.

The weather was so lovely so my dad and I spent some time together wandering around the city.  I wanted some last minute shots because I knew we were leaving to head on more adventures around the country soon.

My sister arranged for us to go to a fun restaurant with some of her friends.  She had the restaurant cook us all sorts of traditional Peruvian cuisine.  I wish I remembered all of the names right now - but it's been a year.  The one I do know for sure we ate was cuy [guinea pig] !! It traditionally is served as a whole animal but in order to get us to actually eat it Emily had them prepare it fried so we couldn't tell what it was.  I thought it was very good, very chewy but I just couldn't get over the fact that I was eating a cute little guinea pig! And I peaked in the kitchen and saw them before cooked.  I know we are so distant from our food source in this day and age - things like that make me eat more veggies.  I like looking at a garden but not animals.

Christmas was very fun for us.  We got to go to a lovely mass, had dinner at Emily's host family's house, then celebrated at midnight with fireworks and the whole city.  It was so wonderful being welcomed in by so many people who love my sister and are there for her while she is so far away from home.  Language barrier aside I felt the love among all the people we interacted with.  They had nothing but positive affirmations to say about my sister and our family.

The day after Christmas we were on a plane heading to the Andes mountains!

Stay tuned for the next part of the trip: we head to Ollantaytambo in the Sacred Valley.