On My Heart: School Counseling

[photo from the #RedforEd march in Raleigh, you can read about that here] 

It's time to head back to school.  After a summer full of sunshine and rest I feel ready to go back to school. I am excited to get into my office and decorate.  I am mentally prepared to check my school email, crack open my brand new planner and go. 

People often ask me what I do.  When I respond that I am a school counselor, they nod having a vague understanding of what a counselor might do in a high school setting.  Then I tell them I am at an elementary school and the look of confusion comes across their face.  I can tell they are thinking "why in the world does an elementary school need a counselor?" The bold who are very confused even ask again "so what do you do in an elementary school?"  I know this comes from a good hearted place but sometimes its difficult for me to explain because I value my job so much and often times feel like I am coming across as defensive.  I am so passionate about my students and more importantly needed in an elementary school.

So what is it that I do?

I teach kids about their emotions, social skills, and how to solve conflict appropriately.  Elementary ages students are not immune to dark and sensitive topics but they are the most vulnerable and sometimes don't know how to process what is going on in their little world.  My job is there to help them come to some sort of understanding within themselves - yes often times it's through play because at the age of 5 - 10 play is their language. 

In an age where mental health is starting to be talked about but still a stigma at the same time - my job is much more important that you can imagine.  I am so busy all day every day.  There are 2 counselors and a social worker in my building serving over 850 students and their families and still there are not enough hours in a day or people to help with everything we have going on. 

Think about Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain.  No one knew.  The world was shocked by their completed suicides.  I read an article where they explained it so well - we all knew when Selena Gomez underwent her surgery for her health issues or any other celebrity who announced their cancer / health issues / etc.  No one talked about depression and anxiety.  Everyone was surprised that the happiest funniest person Robin Williams was struggling with depression...

And yes, even at the elementary age I have to deal with suicidal thoughts and sometimes behaviors.  We have a lot of suicide assessments and help kids process those emotions and come up with a safe way to express them. Early intervention and education might just combat the fact that adults feel like they have to hide and have no where to turn. 

An 8 year old has a fight with a friend and is upset about it so they will write me a note saying they want to talk and process a problem.  They are open to counseling and discussing the difficult times. We are breaking the stigma in an elementary school.  It is crucial that we give our kids space to be themselves, the good and the sometimes very tough and sad.

I do so much more than mental health in my role at the school.  I wear many many hats.  But the most important thing that I have learned is that kids absorb everything.  They hear and they know everything that is going on around them.  Yes, parents, you may think you were being quiet or not seen but you were. Those little eyes and ears know more than you think.  They have feelings, and worries, and get scared when they witness something they don't understand. When adults brush it off and act like they are "just kids" and have no idea whats going on it hurts because they do and they just need their loved ones to talk to them in a way that their brains can understand and process it. You shouldn't treat your kids like adults either and share everything with them the way you would share with a best friend.  But be mindful - little ones are around so they will be affected in someway or another by what is said or done in your home.

So yes I am a school counselor.  Yes I am at an elementary school.  Yes I am busy all day long and deal with more than you can even imagine.  I know that I am serving a purpose where I am.  I believe in my students.  I am helping lay the foundation of successful citizens of this world who will have empathy and process their emotions safely without being afraid to seek help.  I am bringing the light of Christ into sometimes very dark places.  I love my job even though some people don't understand.  It's okay because I know that it is important and I am making a small difference in this world.

Red for EDucation

Location: Raleigh, NC

The other week I had the opportunity to do the most incredible thing I have ever done. I took a stand for something that I believe in.  Something that gets me fired up.  Something that is consistently undervalued and looked over. Public education.

My students are my driving force each and every single day.  They are the reason I go to work and get to do what I do.  They are the reason I come home drained and exhausted and sometimes so emotional because I believe in them so much.  My students are the reason that I fight for better opportunities, the reason that I vote, the reason that I march. 

I am constantly inspired by my students.  They have such resilience and creativity.  They show up every single day despite everything that they go through.  So I got to show up for them.  I did something for them to prove that they matter.  My students matter.  Public education matters.  My job matters.  And you know what paying my bills and making ends meet should matter too. It's time that North Carolina steps up and joins forces with this incredible momentum sweeping our nation.  Public educators demanding their worth.

I have never done anything like this before.  We traveled to the state capital and marched for respect and our students along side 20,000 other educators.  It was a powerful experience.  Our governor spoke as we rallied for change in the government and change in funding policies for NC education. Everyone there was united under the same purpose.  It was so inspiring to see.  I loved all of the creative signs that proved the harsh reality of teachers and asked for change.  Teachers really do know how to show up and prove their point.  I am so grateful for this humbling experience.

Have you ever had the opportunity to take a stand for something that you truly believed in? What was your experience like?

School's Out for Summer!

It is finally summertime for me, well aside from workdays and lots of random training days through the summer.  School will officially not have students in the building until August.  I have been trying to reflect and process on the end of the school year for this post, yet, I can't seem to find the words.

This school year has been a year of many firsts for me.  This school year was my first full year as a school counselor [I was hired mid year last year and was doing my internship for grad school simultaneously] I had so many trials and learning experiences throughout the year.

This job is rewarding and exhausting all at the same time.  When I was a teacher I was just plain tired.  I could talk all day about my opinions on teaching, how it's the hardest job and teachers don't get what they deserve in so many aspects but that could be a whole series of other blog posts.  Being a counselor means you have to be even more adaptable and emotionally available to whatever might come your way.  A lot of people still have no idea what my job entails.  A few pet peeves of mine: calling me a guidance counselor and questioning why elementary age kids might even need mental health support.  Oh if you only knew...

I can honestly say that I am right where I am supposed to be. I have so many goals and ideas swimming in my head of how to improve upon the school counseling program for next year.  As I sit back and reflect on this past year I have learned a few things.

1.  Self care NEEDS to be a priority.
2.  Kids matter.
3.  Being fully present and listening to someone can be life changing.
4.  The kids who need love the most show it in the most inappropriate ways.  
5.  Building relationships takes time but keep trying and reaching out. Relationship is the foundation for success and change. 
6.  School culture is unlike anything else.  
7.  Be an advocate for doing what is right for kids. 
8.  No two days look the same - even if your calendar might plan for it to seem that way. 
9.  Kiddos can't help where they come from, it's not their fault, and it's not our responsibility to blame.  We need to teach it all - social skills, behavior, manners, AND math, reading, science, etc. with patience and love. 
10.  Being kind will take you more places than you know. 

To all you teachers and school employees out there; I hope you have a happy and healthy summer! What have you learned this school year?