On My Heart: School Counseling

[photo from the #RedforEd march in Raleigh, you can read about that here] 

It's time to head back to school.  After a summer full of sunshine and rest I feel ready to go back to school. I am excited to get into my office and decorate.  I am mentally prepared to check my school email, crack open my brand new planner and go. 

People often ask me what I do.  When I respond that I am a school counselor, they nod having a vague understanding of what a counselor might do in a high school setting.  Then I tell them I am at an elementary school and the look of confusion comes across their face.  I can tell they are thinking "why in the world does an elementary school need a counselor?" The bold who are very confused even ask again "so what do you do in an elementary school?"  I know this comes from a good hearted place but sometimes its difficult for me to explain because I value my job so much and often times feel like I am coming across as defensive.  I am so passionate about my students and more importantly needed in an elementary school.

So what is it that I do?

I teach kids about their emotions, social skills, and how to solve conflict appropriately.  Elementary ages students are not immune to dark and sensitive topics but they are the most vulnerable and sometimes don't know how to process what is going on in their little world.  My job is there to help them come to some sort of understanding within themselves - yes often times it's through play because at the age of 5 - 10 play is their language. 

In an age where mental health is starting to be talked about but still a stigma at the same time - my job is much more important that you can imagine.  I am so busy all day every day.  There are 2 counselors and a social worker in my building serving over 850 students and their families and still there are not enough hours in a day or people to help with everything we have going on. 

Think about Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain.  No one knew.  The world was shocked by their completed suicides.  I read an article where they explained it so well - we all knew when Selena Gomez underwent her surgery for her health issues or any other celebrity who announced their cancer / health issues / etc.  No one talked about depression and anxiety.  Everyone was surprised that the happiest funniest person Robin Williams was struggling with depression...

And yes, even at the elementary age I have to deal with suicidal thoughts and sometimes behaviors.  We have a lot of suicide assessments and help kids process those emotions and come up with a safe way to express them. Early intervention and education might just combat the fact that adults feel like they have to hide and have no where to turn. 

An 8 year old has a fight with a friend and is upset about it so they will write me a note saying they want to talk and process a problem.  They are open to counseling and discussing the difficult times. We are breaking the stigma in an elementary school.  It is crucial that we give our kids space to be themselves, the good and the sometimes very tough and sad.

I do so much more than mental health in my role at the school.  I wear many many hats.  But the most important thing that I have learned is that kids absorb everything.  They hear and they know everything that is going on around them.  Yes, parents, you may think you were being quiet or not seen but you were. Those little eyes and ears know more than you think.  They have feelings, and worries, and get scared when they witness something they don't understand. When adults brush it off and act like they are "just kids" and have no idea whats going on it hurts because they do and they just need their loved ones to talk to them in a way that their brains can understand and process it. You shouldn't treat your kids like adults either and share everything with them the way you would share with a best friend.  But be mindful - little ones are around so they will be affected in someway or another by what is said or done in your home.

So yes I am a school counselor.  Yes I am at an elementary school.  Yes I am busy all day long and deal with more than you can even imagine.  I know that I am serving a purpose where I am.  I believe in my students.  I am helping lay the foundation of successful citizens of this world who will have empathy and process their emotions safely without being afraid to seek help.  I am bringing the light of Christ into sometimes very dark places.  I love my job even though some people don't understand.  It's okay because I know that it is important and I am making a small difference in this world.

Why Hello Again

Location: Nashville, TN

I have missed this.  I have missed taking fun photos of life and it's adventures.  I have missed writing and sharing my heart and ideas.

What I haven't missed, though, is the ridiculous pressure and anxiety I put on myself to be something that I am not.  The blog world is an interesting one to navigate.  For some reason I felt like I was doing it wrong because I wasn't gaining tons of followers and making money with sponsorships at an exponential rate.  So I changed who I was.  I forgot my why.  My intention to connect, to write, to encourage, to be authentic, genuine, and intentional. I tried to keep up and post often which lead to a negative relationship with my creative outlet. 

My full time job is stressful enough, I don't need my fun hobby to bring even more stress to my life.  I took a break for a while to re-focus and re-center myself.  That break turned into a 7 month hiatus from blogging and you know what, that is okay.

I needed a little time off to realize that I can blog and stay true to myself all at the same time.  This blog is a mix of everything: faith, food, travel, style, exploring my city, fitness because that's who I am and what I love. This time though I am going to trust in God's plan for me and this blog.  I have it on my heart to write in this space.  I need to trust that feeling and honor it because there is a reason that desire was placed in me.  My writing may not be on a regular frequent posting schedule, I have no clue about making money but if a collaboration I believe in comes along then I will be open, we will see what comes.  One thing that is no longer though is the desire to be a perfect little blogger and fit into this mold created by social media, it's simply not worth it.

I am excited to continue this journey.  I hope you will follow along as I share and celebrate life in this space.

Currently | June

Location: Vintage Charlotte Market at Camp North End

It's June, y'all.  I am in my last week of school.  It is the craziest week of the year, with field days celebrations, and talent show performances.  I have been running around school making the most of my days by spending quality time with students.  I am linking up with Anne and Erin for this months edition of Currently - which if you notice I am in summer mode full force.

planning: Summertime adventures.  I am lucky enough to not be working at the school over the summer.  So I am using my summer to do blog work, teach swim lessons, and take some fun trips to get some much needed R&R before next school year.

wishing: For sunny days.  It has been storming lately here which is definitely the norm for Charlotte in the summer.  But a girl can dream for sunny summer days, lighter hair, and a tan; right? 

learning: About myself and my career choice.  This year was my first full year as a school counselor and it has definitely been formidable for me.  I have so much to reflect upon from this past year so that I can start planning how to improve upon the counseling program for next year.  

browsing: Summer outfit ideas.  Living in the mountains for as long as I have; I didn't really have need for summer clothes so my wardrobe is pretty lacking.  I am loving all the cute styles for this summer and can't wait to share as I build summer clothes. 

going: To the Outer Banks in a week to visit my sister with my family.  I couldn't be more excited.  I have talked about it on here for a few months now.  I am in need of a beach vacation and family time. 

What are you currently up to?

Monday Motivation

Location: Marco Island, Florida

Happy Monday sweet friends,

Mondays can be hard.  You have to wake up early to head back to work after a weekend of bliss.  But you got this.  Put on your make up,  fix your hair,  pour an extra large cup of coffee, and head out to face the world.

Working isn't the terrible thing that everyone makes it out to be.  You are in a career that you love and feel fufilled in. Some days are long and hard.  You are helping people see that they matter.

Every day is a learning experience.  You will be faced with challenges and choices.  What truly defines who you are is how you respond to them.  Trust in yourself.  Life isn't about thinking what other people will think about your decisions.  It's about trusting in the Lord and fulfilling your purpose. Do what makes you happy.  Sometimes that means going out of your comfort zone and pushing yourself to try new things.

Those experiences always turn out better than you expect.  Same with life.

So let's do this Monday, you got this.

What is your favorite way to start the week on a positive note?

Dear Graduates

Dear Graduates and Class of 2017,

This past weekend you have put on that robe and walked across a stage in front of all your loved ones who supported you through your journey.  Your time spent studying books taught you lessons that will help you in your life.  The real lessons, though, are learned through the people who have come in contact with, the stories you have been privileged to hear.  The lessons about life are learned through taking it one day at a time and asking lots of questions.  So much has been taught to use by simply using trial and error and trying to figure it out.

You are probably faced with the endless questions from others asking what are you going to do now?  Your eyes race to their faces hoping they don't see the panic in you when you tell them about moving to a new city, trying to find a place to live, getting a job [or not even having one yet!]  Let me tell you; it is okay not to know.  It is okay to be learning every single day after graduation.  It is okay to ask for help and admit you have absolutely no idea what you are doing.

Money will come.  Bills will be paid. God will provide for all that you need.  Your job is to enjoy the ride.

Be present in every single moment. Don't act like you know what you are doing and try to do it all alone.  You need people.  You need to go out on a work night and be there to cheer on a friend who is celebrating.  Find activities in your life that bring you joy and go do them.  As much as people are important, be okay with doing things alone, you never know what that will bring.  Be comfortable with who you are and simply be you.  Your path now is not going to be like anyone else's; even if you were in every single class together since freshman year! Don't pass up any travel opportunity that is thrown your way.  And if you find yourself in a situation that you need to get out of - trust yourself.  You can always go back to school.  You can always find another job. You will spend every day of your life still asking yourself "what am I doing?".

You were put here for a reason.  Be kind to everyone.  Pay attention.  Cherish and take care of the world we are blessed to live in.   Smile.  Laugh.  Cry.  Scream.  Feel.  Fight for what is right.  Practice self care.  Learn to have empathy. Be yourself.

Enjoy your new adventure & congratulations! 

Choices

We make choices every single day that can completely change the trajectory of how our day will go. Choices that not only will affect that moment we are in where the decision is made but every possible choice afterward. The choices that we make can have positive or negative effects on ourselves and the people that we encounter.

Now, we all can pinpoint the days and the times that we had to make big choices.  Those are thoughtful and calculated.  Typically choices that could affect things like where we live, our career changes,  or to be in a relationship with a person or not are those that we think about for days before finally coming to the moment where we make that big choice.

But what about the little choices? How much thought to we put into choices that we make throughout going about our daily routine.  Things like, how did you choose what to eat for lunch or dinner today? Did you really really think about your whole entire budget and financial life plan before making your mid morning latte run or throwing those few extra things in your cart at target?

The little choices in our life are typically made by our feelings or even our routine is so mundane that those choices aren't even considered a choice -it just happened.  But what if it didn't just happen?  I have been reflecting on how the little choices that we make can have the biggest impact on our lives.  Maybe not right away but eventually.

For example, if you are trying to make healthier lifestyle changes but you decide to veer off your meal / workout plan based on your feelings or cravings - what does that choice say?  Does that choice stay one choice or does it continue to be a choice that can sabotage your health?

We typically know the right choices to make for ourselves but dismiss them because of their seeming small insignificance on the big life picture.  What if you paused?  What if you made that choice for yourself after some thought that thinks about not only this moment but future moments too?  I am not saying over analyze every single moment and throw yourself into a fit of indecisiveness because now everything is such a big deal but just pause maybe a second longer. What choice would you make if you took impulsivity out of the equation?

My goal is to make positive choices every day toward my wellness.  No matter how little the choice at the time might be - it can change everything!

What are you going to do with the choices you have to make? 

Lenten Reflections | Week 3

"Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets. I have not come to abolish but to fulfill."  - Matthew 5:17

This week has been a strange week.  For one it has been a week of deep reflection and refocusing on my part.  But, on the other hand, school has been crazy as ever.  Spring break for my school is 11 school days with kids and 2 work days away [but whose counting].   Let's just say it has been a week full of ups and downs and it's only Wednesday.  

Jesus is really preparing us for why he is here.  He is preaching more than ever and trying to clear up as much confusion as possible with his disciples in his short time left.  The readings this week are all about forgiveness, grace, unrelenting love, sin, following, and breaking the rules.  

My goal for lent was to really break the habit of negative self talk.  One of the readings this past week was the gospel on the prodigal son.  I actually find myself connecting with the older brother in this parable Jesus tells us. Sometimes I feel like I am always doing the right thing.  I try so hard each and every day to follow the rules and be a good person.  Then I see other people who I know have messed up so much get praise, rewards, and really cool stuff and I feel defeated.  Like I did something wrong.  I question why I don't get noticed and recognized just like the older brother in the story.  His questioning his father resonates with me. 

I realized that this spirals my negative self talk for myself.  Seeing what other people receive, or have, or do starts that questioning in my mind of why.  "I do the right things. Why not me?"  

Then the next days readings Jesus talked to the Samaritan women.  Something he was not supposed to do at all in his time.   He broke all the rules out of love.  He got recognized in the most cruel way ever shortly after these conversations took place with the woman at the well.  

Sometimes we don't need to get rewards or freebees or compliments because we have the love of Jesus with us always.  He forgives.  He gives us grace every single day.  He loves because he is love.  Not because I deserve it at all.  

So this week I am delving deeper into why I do what I do in the first place.  I have been truly realizing why it's such a blessing to be conscious of how my mind works.  It has been my grace to be kind to myself to be able to give and receive love. 

What is the Word teaching you this week during lent?

Getting Real with Current Events

I typically don't get involved in politics.  I hate politics.  I think they are corrupt and the TV show Scandal is an accurate depiction of our government.  I sat here trying to process my thoughts.  I hovered over the publish button many times without actually clicking it, but I just can't be silent any more.

I work in a school.  My job is to listen to the stories that kiddos are willing to share.  I advocate for relationships every single day.  I try to be the best example of love and kindness to all in my school building.  I have mounds of paperwork that I push aside daily to respond to students in crisis, to go into classrooms, to be present, to show my face, to smile at that kid who really needs it. The vast majority of what I see and hear is confidential, not only to protect my students, keep their trust, but to hold their stories precious and valuable.  These stories are not mine to tell.

This, though, I will share.

Thursday, the majority of my school population was absent.  53%.  It was eerie and quiet. My heart is broken in so many pieces.  My students didn't come to school that day in protest but underneath it all they are scared.

They are scared that they will come home to a raided house and no parents.  They are scared their families will get ripped apart.  They are terrified to go to an unknown place that they have only heard stories of.  They are scared to go out in their communities and to talk to anyone out of fear of giving something away.  They are terrified to even come to school.

School. The safest place they know. Isn't even safe anymore. And worst of all I can't say anything to assure them of their safety.  I can't even protect my students.  I have nothing to say to make it better.  No words of encouragement.  No fun catch phrase about being kind or doing the right thing.

Only the acknowledgement that I was born with an incredible privilege.  I have no idea what it is like to have the fears that my students have.  I can only validate that it is indeed terrifying. I can't even imagine. I cried the other day in my office with two 5th grade boys also in tears expressing concerns they had.  I felt incredibly helpless.  These students look to me for help.  In these moments I can only tell them that there are some people who look like me who actually care about them and want them here.  These kiddos are so important.  My job is to ensure that every student knows they matter.

These students matter. This community matters.  Culture matters.  Immigrants matter.

I can, do something, I realized.  I can use the incredible privilege and position that I have to advocate for the populations that can't speak for themselves.  I can speak up.  I can use the gifts I have been given, specifically writing to make these issues known.  I can educate myself on politics and policy - even though it makes me cringe - because my students are important to me.

No one should have to question whether tomorrow they will have to be stripped from everything they know and thrown into more trauma.  No one deserves to live a life in fear.

I did not write this to get involved in politics or policy. I wrote this because being at a school on Thursday with an empty building felt wrong.  Listening to my kiddos bravely open up and share their very real concerns feels wrong.  I don't know what the answer is, but I do know this is real, this is now and my job is to advocate for the most underrepresented population who can't speak for themselves; children. Their innocence is shattered and that is not okay.

On My Heart

Ever have one of those whimsical days where it just feels like your life is in a fairy tale or something close to it? I feel like lately those days for me are few and far between.  If I get the chance to have a wonderful outing or friend date I cherish it for months to come.

I have a very hard time slowing down.  I also have difficulty keeping in touch with people.  These two things I struggle with are probably the biggest cause of my anxiety sometimes.  Let me explain: I feel productive when I get a lot accomplished. I am also a fairly efficient person so the amount I accomplish in a day is grandiose.  The other day, at work, I had a few [rare] moments to myself where I had all my paperwork done and checked in with all the students I needed to for that day.  It felt so wrong to me.  So wrong to sit in my office to have a few moments to heaven forbid look at a news website and get my head out of my school bubble for a second.  I felt guilty for not being busy in that exact moment.  The nature of my job created that scenario but honestly I thrive in the thrill of going all the time and not knowing what sort of situation will pop up in a days work.  I get so driven, so focused, so in it, that I literally forget there is a whole world around me sometimes.

I come home from work and the first thing I do is workout.  My body needs it and craves it.  Then I tackle my life planner and at home to do list I have constantly building. I prep for the next day so I can be successful. Work on some blog posts or things and then it's off to bed for me.  I fall right to sleep.  I am on the move from 5:45 AM to the time my head hits the pillow.  I struggle with slowing down.

One of my goals for this year is to create more time for friends.  I crave community and love having deep conversations with people over coffee.  Yet, I struggle.  I am so go go go and focused on getting the tasks at hand accomplished that I hardly ever look up and think about other people [besides the fact that it is literally my job to think about others] Juxtaposition at its greatest.  Because I work so hard caring for my students and making sure all in my building feel important, cared for, and know they matter I am drained at the end of the day.  I do things that keep me strong and healthy and fueled for the next day. Again, I forget there is a world around me.  

But am I really fueling my soul? Am I taking the time to have days where I look back and say I am so glad I talked to that person or went to that event?

Being an intentional friend and creating more time for the people that truly matter and I love are so on my heart today.  You see; a friend from high school passed away this week.  She lost a battle with cancer at the young age of 27.  She had still so much left.  Now, I am the one with time left.  How am I going to truly celebrate this life that we get to live on this earth?  Every time I reflect on things that matter - people come to mind.  People matter.

I need my people to know they truly matter to me.  I need to show it.  Live my life outside of my to do list because it all matters and we don't know what time we get here on this earth.

How are you going to celebrate life today?

Finding Joy Despite Struggle

One of the lessons that I have had to learn this semester is gratitude.  Being grateful for who I am with what I have in this moment.  God has been slowly working on my heart during our early morning prayer sessions.  I come to Him sleepy eyed, coffee in hand, and open the Word and give my day to him.

Then, as my day progresses, I seem to put Him second.  I know that I shouldn't but it happens more often than now. His teaching and lessons are pushed aside for the world.  I get sucked into the comparison game and then I feel like I am not good enough.  I forget about letting God and try to solve all these problems by myself.

This semester I moved out completely on my own.  I had been on my own - back to my parents- on my own - grad school - but I always had a cushion somehow.  Now it's real. Financially I have had a rough few months.  I am thriving within my budget but sometimes that word [budget] is so so hard to live with.  I see my friends going out and doing such fun [but very expensive] things and then I get upset.  I forget about the slow teachings early in the morning with Jesus and coffee about how He has always provided.  This semester is more about me figuring out who I am, what my passions are, and surrendering it all to His will.

Slowly, I am learning that it's okay that my apartment isn't pinterest worthy at this moment.  I am learning how to search for deals.  I am learning to make friend fun nights by going to free workout classes or cooking dinner together.  I am learning to explore my city by just walking around with the dog.  I am learning that I can be happy despite what I might be struggling with at the moment.  God is always there. Always teaching. Always providing.  He is way more than enough.

What are you learning in the tough seasons?

Welcome

I am so glad you are here.  

My vision for this blog is to get back to the core of who I am.  I want it to be simple, clean, and beautiful.  A space to share and to connect.  A place to just cherish the memories of each and every day that I get to have.  

This is not my first blogging adventure.  I hosted another blog for many years, with my life getting so busy during graduate school it kind of fell apart.  Another reason for me fading away from the blog scene was a feeling of inadequacy.  I started that comparison game, that never lets you win, which lead to my inspiration and excitement for blogging completely stop. I spent so many hours pouring my heart and soul into something only to feel like I wasn't good enough after reading through so many other beautiful blogs.  That, my friends, is not okay. I am here for a reason.  My life is worth sharing.  I am good enough.  

So I am starting over. Starting fresh. Remembering why I loved blogging in the first place and letting that carry me through. I love photography and writing.  I love living an adventurous life and documenting it through the eyes of a lens. As humans we forget to be vulnerable, to live in the present moment, to cherish the little things. We can always set the reset button and start again. That's what I am doing here. 

Welcome to Sweet Surrender.  A blog about me living my life, being brave for Jesus, and my lessons that I learn along the way.