Easter Is Like Coming Home

Location: St. Peters Catholic Church - Charlotte, NC

I love Christmas don't get me wrong.  All the fun and festivities in the fall and winter will always have a special place in my heart.  Yet, this year I think Easter is finding a special place in my heart.  The weather is warming up, the sun shining, and those Carolina blue skies.

All lent I was reflecting on what I can do to point myself toward God.  I leaned into him and learned to trust a little bit more. Then we entered into holy week and spring break for me. I felt this stirring in my heart as I was at mass on Holy Thursday, I felt like I was home.  It was so fitting for this holy week because this is the time of year when others come into the church and find their home as well. Even though I have been confirmed since high school - I had this sense that I was finally entering into the church as well. Solidarity, sisters.

My whole faith story is a long long tale for a different day.  But long story short, I have been searching and trying to find my own way in the church, my own community, my home.  Not living in my youth group days or parents shadow at the parish I grew up in.

The church I found has been so much for me.  It is a center city Jesuit church which speaks to my service heart in so many ways.  I have joined a bible study and found community with the young adult group there.  It is so different in many ways from the church I grew up in.  And yet, as Catholic is universal, it is the same. Home.

To all those who found new life in the church this weekend, welcome and congratulations. Happy Easter. He is Risen indeed and His mercies are new every morning. 

Creating Intentional Routines for Self Care

Journaling Bible

As humans we like routine, we crave rituals.  They make us feel safe because we know what is coming next.  Routines have a calming effect.  That is why it is so important to set up intentional routines.  A lot of people struggle to have a work / life balance or get anxiety and have a tough time navigating the world.  Life is hard y'all.  It is okay to set up boundaries, put yourself first, and practice good self care.

I love self care. We actually had an about you questionnaire at work for secret Santa gifts and I literally put self care as my hobby.  But hear me out.  Self care should always be 3 fold.  Something for your body, your mind, and your heart.  It can be 3 separate things or one thing that fuels all 3 aspects of your being.

For me, my self care is having routines that include self care practices.  Working out and eating healthy my body.  Reading fuels my mind.  Spending time journaling and reading the Word fill my heart.

I start my day, every single day, with a cup of coffee and reading the bible.  I intentionally wake up a little bit earlier so I can have purposeful time to get this accomplished.  It has become habitual so much so that if I miss a morning my day feels thrown. When I get home the first thing I do before anything else is get my workout in and walk my pup.  It's like I am physically moving and de-stressing from the day.

It was so important to me to create a life around my self care practices so that I feel healthy and happy in all that I do.  It takes time to put simple changes into long term lifestyle routines, but we make time for what we care for.

What is important to you? What fills your cup?  How can you switch some things up to be very intentional to create self care routines for yourself? 

Lenten Reflections | Holy Week

We have now come to Holy Week in the liturgical calendar.  This week is always such a mix of emotions for me.  Today, on Good Friday, we are reminded of what the true purpose of all this lenten preparation is for.  Jesus surrendering his own life for all of ours because of us.

Before I get to that, let's back track a little bit.

We kick off Holy Week with Palm Sunday.  Amazing how in one weeks time everything changes.  Life is like that too.  How something significant can happen in a moment and suddenly last week seems so distant and foreign.  Same thing with Jesus.  He was welcomed into the city.  He rode in on a donkey while people waved palm branches at him. A true ancient Jerusalem celebrity welcome. We read the passion gospel all together at mass.  The church plays the part of the crowd yelling "crucify him" I am always so humbled by those words.  My sin put Jesus on that cross so if I was there would I be yelling crucify him with the crowds?  Always something to think about.  Just another reminder how quickly Jesus week turned.

Yesterday, was Holy Thursday.  This mass is my favorite mass out of the whole year.  We celebrate the passover meal.  The last supper with Jesus.  We are taught to wash others feet just like Jesus did for his disciples that evening.  He gives us one last reminder that our lives on earth should be in service of others therefore we are serving him.  Jesus broke bread with his followers and demonstrated what he wants us to do.  It's really the birth of the eucharist which is the gift that we have the blessing of receiving as a result of Jesus sacrifice. We then walk with Jesus to the garden of Gethsemane for a time of adoration and prayer with Jesus.  It is here that Jesus, with agony, begins his surrendering to God's will.

Today, the passion of our Lord.  Jesus is crucified. He died for our sins.  He gave up his life for mine.  The significance of that is sometimes so heavy to process.  Sometimes it's so hard to look at the cross and then look within to truly face the reality.  Today, I challenge you, to look.  Take it all in.  Don't think ahead to Easter and pretty dresses and celebrations.  Sit for a moment in the dark and reflect on what Jesus has done.

How are you spending time with the Lord this Holy Week?

Lenten Reflections | Week 4

It's week four of lent and there is one more week of lent before holy week after this. It feels like Jesus knows that too with the readings of this past week.  He is getting more bold in his miracles.  He is breaking more rules, and heaven forbid, healing people on the Sabbath day which is like a huge no, no.

In case you are curious what I am talking about when I say readings: I follow the Catholic church calendar of the liturgical readings.  There is an old testament passage, a psalm, and a gospel [Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John] passage every single day - then on Sundays there is another reading added in to that mix, which is typically a new testament letter - just depends.  As Catholics there is a calendar put out by the church that says which readings will be used for every single day.  We read through the whole bible in a 3 year cycle.  You can check out and follow along with the readings from the Word and the devotional I follow here.

Anyway, back to Jesus healing people but causing major issues with the temple.  You would think people would be like wow this guy is so great.  That blind man can see, that crippled guy is no longer ill, that woman's sins have been forgiven and she feels loved. But No.  Their lenses are so foggy and focused on the fact that he did some stuff on Sabbath or some other things he just plain did but wasn''t supposed to do at all [like talk to a woman].

In grad school, my professors would preach self care to us, often.  One metaphor they used to describe why it was necessary was cleaning the lenses of our glasses.  If you are going about your life so focused on your own crap that is blocking your vision, then how will you be able to sit fully present with someone who has something go on? You simply can't.  You will judge them based on your own bias.  You will say something harsh because you are triggered.  You won't be able to really see the situation for what it is.  You won't be the kind of person who has unconditional positive regard for others.  If you don't take care of yourself you are walking around the world with dirty glasses because self care is how we clear all that gunk away.

The pharisees didn't take time to clear their lenses. They were so focused on the fact that Jesus broke a few rules to clearly see that he was healing people and performing miracles.  They were so down in their crap that they judged harshly.  They said some nasty stuff.  They wanted him killed.  Killed for being the kindest most loving person ever.  Ugh.

This week.  Let's focus on taking care of ourselves and being kind to ourselves.  Clear the lenses so that we can see the world and all the wonderful things that are happening around us.

Lenten Reflections | Week 3

"Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets. I have not come to abolish but to fulfill."  - Matthew 5:17

This week has been a strange week.  For one it has been a week of deep reflection and refocusing on my part.  But, on the other hand, school has been crazy as ever.  Spring break for my school is 11 school days with kids and 2 work days away [but whose counting].   Let's just say it has been a week full of ups and downs and it's only Wednesday.  

Jesus is really preparing us for why he is here.  He is preaching more than ever and trying to clear up as much confusion as possible with his disciples in his short time left.  The readings this week are all about forgiveness, grace, unrelenting love, sin, following, and breaking the rules.  

My goal for lent was to really break the habit of negative self talk.  One of the readings this past week was the gospel on the prodigal son.  I actually find myself connecting with the older brother in this parable Jesus tells us. Sometimes I feel like I am always doing the right thing.  I try so hard each and every day to follow the rules and be a good person.  Then I see other people who I know have messed up so much get praise, rewards, and really cool stuff and I feel defeated.  Like I did something wrong.  I question why I don't get noticed and recognized just like the older brother in the story.  His questioning his father resonates with me. 

I realized that this spirals my negative self talk for myself.  Seeing what other people receive, or have, or do starts that questioning in my mind of why.  "I do the right things. Why not me?"  

Then the next days readings Jesus talked to the Samaritan women.  Something he was not supposed to do at all in his time.   He broke all the rules out of love.  He got recognized in the most cruel way ever shortly after these conversations took place with the woman at the well.  

Sometimes we don't need to get rewards or freebees or compliments because we have the love of Jesus with us always.  He forgives.  He gives us grace every single day.  He loves because he is love.  Not because I deserve it at all.  

So this week I am delving deeper into why I do what I do in the first place.  I have been truly realizing why it's such a blessing to be conscious of how my mind works.  It has been my grace to be kind to myself to be able to give and receive love. 

What is the Word teaching you this week during lent?

Lenten Reflections | Week 2

Just so, the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many. -Matthew 20:28

We are in the midst of week 2 in lent.  The readings this week are all about preparing us for what Jesus' true purpose is on this earth.  He is preparing us for the suffering that we have to endure - that He has to endure in order to truly fulfill what He was sent on this earth to accomplish.  We don't always know His plan for our life but surrendering is so much better than our own plan.  

Surrendering doesn't come without pain though.  Lent is hard.  The reminder of suffering and service is hard.  Giving up things is hard. But we can be comforted by the fact that Jesus truly knows what it means to serve, to give, and to sacrifice.  He has been there too.  He prepared us for this fact. 

I decided to give up a few things for lent which you can read about in this post: here.  I have to say this week has been one of my best weeks yet.  I find myself being more productive because I am not mindlessly using social media.  I also am more mindful of how I speak to myself.  I have to admit I catch myself being negative but then instantly reframe what I am conveying.  It has seriously made all the difference.  The subtle changes within me has lead to better days in general.  

So, all that to say.  Giving up during lent isn't just about breaking a bad habit or not drinking soda [but by all means if those things are toxic to your life; do it!] Lent is about putting us on a walk with Jesus.  The walk of his very last words to us before he was placed on the cross.  He is teaching us something every single day during this 40 day season - we just need to be open to it.  

How is your lenten season going so far? What is this journey teaching you? 

Lenten Reflections | Week 1

If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 

- Luke 9:23 

Surrendering means letting go of self in favor of something so much better.  Sometimes we get so caught up in control and crossing things off of our to-do lists to find a sense of purpose. Trusting him even in the hard times.  Trusting that God's plan is better than our own.  

Even if we cognitively believe that, maybe even have lived through a couple of wonderful experiences where you just felt and knew God's sovereignty, every day life clouds that and causes us to follow our own wants and wishes instead of His. 

Lent is a time where we take a good hard look at ourselves and whatever that crutch is that we keep holding on to which prevents us from fully surrendering and following Jesus.  It took me a lot of journaling and prayer time to figure out what my thing was.  Typically the tradition is you give up something for lent.  You give up what is holding you back from surrendering.  I wanted to use this season to stray true to my blogs name and live my life in surrender. 

This lent I am giving up negative self talk.  In it's place I am trying to focus on the positive and do something small every day for me. I need to listen to my body and give it what it needs.  Instead of beating myself up for taking time to rest when there is still so much to do- changing my language and telling myself it's okay taking care of myself means resting when I am tired and everything will still get done.

I also want to be more intentional with my time spent on social media.  I have noticed that I use it as a time killer or just a crutch in a situation where I am waiting for someone.  It is so unnecessary and I can't help but wonder what am I missing by doing this.  For example; let's say I am waiting for a yoga class to start - instead of scrolling through instagram - I can put my phone away, strike up a conversation, make a new friend, prepare myself for the class and notice the world around me.

Be Kind.  Be Present.  See what happens. 

What are you doing this lenten season?